Bernard Manning

Quotes

I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.

I'm glad I'm not bisexual. I couldn't stand being rejected by men as well as women.

Tony Adams, on his first day in prison, was complaining because he wanted the walls back 12 yards.

I don’t believe Scots are as tight as people say, but I did hear that when two taxis collided in Glasgow recently 48 people were injured.

Quasimodo was running down the street chased by a group of kids. He said, ‘For the last time, I haven’t got your football.’

All quotes and jokes