Bernard Manning

Quotes

I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.

I'm glad I'm not bisexual. I couldn't stand being rejected by men as well as women.

Quasimodo was running down the street chased by a group of kids. He said, ‘For the last time, I haven’t got your football.’

I don’t believe Scots are as tight as people say, but I did hear that when two taxis collided in Glasgow recently 48 people were injured.

Tony Adams, on his first day in prison, was complaining because he wanted the walls back 12 yards.

All quotes and jokes