Bernard Manning

Quotes

I don’t believe Scots are as tight as people say, but I did hear that when two taxis collided in Glasgow recently 48 people were injured.

I'm glad I'm not bisexual. I couldn't stand being rejected by men as well as women.

I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.

I went to see that Pavarotti last week and he was a right miserable git. He doesn’t like it when you join in.

Tony Adams, on his first day in prison, was complaining because he wanted the walls back 12 yards.

All quotes and jokes