Bill Bailey

Quotes

It's the augmented fourth, or diminished fifth, depending on your outlook on life..."

I feel sorry for James Blunt, he has to wake up every morning and think 'Oh my God, I'm James Blunt, what have I done?'

Aldous Huxley took the drug mescaline and then chronicled his experience in the book The Doors of Perception. Now, I don't actually think that's the first thing he wrote: he probably wrote 'my brain is melting' ten thousand times, but it was the book that the critics latched on to.

Tonight's show is about doubt. Or maybe it isn't - haven't made my mind up yet.

Without the beat in the background, Jazz basically sounds like an armadillo was let loose on the keyboard

All quotes and jokes