Bill Bailey

Quotes

Aldous Huxley took the drug mescaline and then chronicled his experience in the book The Doors of Perception. Now, I don't actually think that's the first thing he wrote: he probably wrote 'my brain is melting' ten thousand times, but it was the book that the critics latched on to.

I feel sorry for James Blunt, he has to wake up every morning and think 'Oh my God, I'm James Blunt, what have I done?'

It's the augmented fourth, or diminished fifth, depending on your outlook on life..."

Without the beat in the background, Jazz basically sounds like an armadillo was let loose on the keyboard

Tonight's show is about doubt. Or maybe it isn't - haven't made my mind up yet.

All quotes and jokes