Bob Hope


He rules the country with an iron fist - the same way he plays the piano.

Everything Reagan does, Gorbachev does him one better. Reagan wears the flag of his country on his lapel. Gorby wears the map of his country on his forehead.

Wine, women and song have been replaced by prune juice, a heating pad and the Gong Show.

You've got to be rich to have a swing like that.

Three of my stocks went off the financial page - into the help-wanted section.

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