Bob Monkhouse

Quotes

It got up to 94 degrees today - that's pretty good at my age.

I can remember when safe sex meant a padded headboard.

I'm rather relaxed about death. From quite an early age I've regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.

My wife was fitted with a coil. For about 18 months I hated it! She used to pick up CB signals.

I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer.

All quotes and jokes