Never hit a baby, even if they start it.
Just a tip if you have a big event to go to or an important meeting, if you cry enough your face swells up giving you a temporary "lift".
I’ve always wanted to be a writer. Always been very creative. I always laughed at things that the rest of my family would sort of get angry, like not understand.
If you enjoy shaming people, I suggest dentistry as a profession.
One of my favorite sketches, and a popular comedy formula, is to put someone with a mental handicap in some kind of unlikely situation. For example: The retarded gynecologist, the retarded Jesus, the retarded Osama Bin Laden. It works. It's funny. Inappropriate? I dunno. I feel like I'm a pretty good judge of what crosses the line of good taste being that I am retarded. Socially perhaps, but severly retarded.All quotes and jokes