Never hit a baby, even if they start it.
Sometimes when I’m bored, I like to people watch. And I got to a touristy area and I play this game I just made up. I call it "Lesbian or Midwestern?"
Just a tip if you have a big event to go to or an important meeting, if you cry enough your face swells up giving you a temporary "lift".
When you’re pregnant, people feel like they can come up and give you unsolicited advice. When I was nine months pregnant, this one woman came up and she said, "I have one word for you: epidural." And I was like, "Oh my God, thanks. But we already picked a name."
I’ve always wanted to be a writer. Always been very creative. I always laughed at things that the rest of my family would sort of get angry, like not understand.All quotes and jokes