Dana Gould


One day they will invent a time machine and, like the internet, it will be used primarily for boning.

Every time I fold the baby's clothes I feel like a giant that got a housekeeping job with a nice family.

My father hauled boxes so I could get an education and earn enough money to pay someone to make me lift weights.

There's something vaguely erotic about watching a woman eat a banana while cupping two plums.

If I masturbate while Googling myself, which part is more redundant?

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