Dana Gould


There's something vaguely erotic about watching a woman eat a banana while cupping two plums.

The best part of living in constant terror is you always have a place to live.

Earthquakes would be great if they could hit specific areas, like the parent lounge at a children's beauty pageant.

One day they will invent a time machine and, like the internet, it will be used primarily for boning.

Where is the good will in the thought, "I was going to throw this in the garbage, do you want to wear it?"

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