Dana Gould


One day they will invent a time machine and, like the internet, it will be used primarily for boning.

If I masturbate while Googling myself, which part is more redundant?

The best part of living in constant terror is you always have a place to live.

If you've never had a colonic, imagine getting butt raped by a melting snowman. If you have had a colonic, are you sure it was a colonic?

There's something vaguely erotic about watching a woman eat a banana while cupping two plums.

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