David Brenner

Quotes

The best place in America to get directions, right here in New York City. No matter who you ask, you always get the same directions and you can always understand ‘em. “Excuse me, could you tell me how to get to 58th & Lexington?” “What do I look like? An information booth?”

Do you know they have a pill to stop you from gambling? What are the odds?

I was on the subway, sitting on a newspaper, and a guy comes over and ask, “Are you reading that?” I didn’t know what to say. So I said, “Yes,” stood up, turned the page, and sat down again.

We're careful not to saturate people.

Dr. Ruth said if you want to be a better lover, what you should is when you get in bed with your woman, before you do anything else, you should recite an erotic poem to her. Now let me ask you something. Is there one man here who knows an erotic poem that doesn’t have the word “Nantucket” in it?

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