Dennis Miller

Quotes

I don’t care what your hobby is before puberty hits, because as soon as it does, nature assigns you a new hobby. Let’s just say when I was 14, I was treated for tennis elbow and I didn’t even own a racket.

Now the ACLU is fighting to overturn a Mississippi state law that stops homosexuals from adopting children. You know folks, I’m no expert on the subject, but if you’re gay and you’ve chosen to set up shop in Mississippi… even I’m reasonably sure you’re not equipped to adopt children, okay?

You have to just marvel at the stun-gun absurdity of fighting to the death over what happens after you die.

A lot of people voting for Pat Buchanan say they are doing so to send a message. Apparently that message is, "Hey, look at me, I'm an idiot."

[America is] simultaneously the most hated, loved, feared and admired nation on this planet. In short, we are Frank Sinatra.

All quotes and jokes