You know you’re too high when you’re eating cereal naked and your girlfriend is like “Put some clothes on” and you realize that it’s not your girlfriend. It’s just a woman on the bus.
If procrastination were a marketable skill, I'd be a real hot commodity.
People that say I have a 'fear of commitment' don't understand my relationship with popcorn.
Statistically speaking, when a woman says "I'm not going to have sex with you", she'll often have sex with you.
The worst part about people with bad personalities is they don't know it.All quotes and jokes
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