You know you’re too high when you’re eating cereal naked and your girlfriend is like “Put some clothes on” and you realize that it’s not your girlfriend. It’s just a woman on the bus.
If procrastination were a marketable skill, I'd be a real hot commodity.
Statistically speaking, when a woman says "I'm not going to have sex with you", she'll often have sex with you.
I like Irish pubs, except for all the loud music and drinking, and people acting like idiots.
The worst part about people with bad personalities is they don't know it.All quotes and jokes