People that say I have a 'fear of commitment' don't understand my relationship with popcorn.
Laughing at ones own attempt at humor while saying "things just come to me" should be punishable by death.
If procrastination were a marketable skill, I'd be a real hot commodity.
Please use anger for something positive like hurting people that deserve it or writing jokes.
You know you’re too high when you’re eating cereal naked and your girlfriend is like “Put some clothes on” and you realize that it’s not your girlfriend. It’s just a woman on the bus.All quotes and jokes