Dov Davidoff

Quotes

You know you’re too high when you’re eating cereal naked and your girlfriend is like “Put some clothes on” and you realize that it’s not your girlfriend. It’s just a woman on the bus.

If procrastination were a marketable skill, I'd be a real hot commodity.

Please use anger for something positive like hurting people that deserve it or writing jokes.

Writing good jokes requires effort. Think I'll just start dressing funnier.

Statistically speaking, when a woman says "I'm not going to have sex with you", she'll often have sex with you.

All quotes and jokes