Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff

307 quotes

My dad was old school Jewish. Not do your taxes Jewish - steal your car Jewish.

Brain damage and stupidity are very different things, but can have similar effects on the wearer.

Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.

Marriage is supposed to be permanent. It's like a tattoo that yells at you.

The language of love may be universal, but it's not one of the options on an ATM machine.

Only bugs can truly appreciate the beauty of flowers.

We were standing next to this guy with a bandana and a tattooed teardrop and a knife, and I said to my friend, 'I don't want to hang out here.' My friend said, 'Don't judge people.' I said, 'The dude's got a knife.' He said, 'He could be a chef.'

First it was the priests, then the thing with the boy scouts, and then it was Michael - now, it's the priests. It seems like every time adults are really hanging out with these boys - if this stuff is so prevalent, maybe we should stop pointing the finger at the adults, start looking at these sexy-ass boys.

False humility is thinly veiled ego disguised as self confidence.

Whoever said "life without love isn't worth living" didn't own an iPhone. These things are great.

Health food would seem healthier if the people that sold it looked less unhealthy.

The entertainment business is to business what plastic flowers are to flowers.

The Nazis were well dressed. Today's racists are a rag-tag bunch with no sense of style or panache.

'Homemade' sounds much better when not referring to tattoos.

Age is just a number, unless of course your trying to have a conversation with them.