Quotes & Jokes by Dov Davidoff

307 quotes

My dad was old school Jewish. Not do your taxes Jewish - steal your car Jewish.

Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.

The language of love may be universal, but it's not one of the options on an ATM machine.

Only bugs can truly appreciate the beauty of flowers.

False humility is thinly veiled ego disguised as self confidence.

Whoever said "life without love isn't worth living" didn't own an iPhone. These things are great.

Health food would seem healthier if the people that sold it looked less unhealthy.

Brain damage and stupidity are very different things, but can have similar effects on the wearer.

The Nazis were well dressed. Today's racists are a rag-tag bunch with no sense of style or panache.

We were standing next to this guy with a bandana and a tattooed teardrop and a knife, and I said to my friend, 'I don't want to hang out here.' My friend said, 'Don't judge people.' I said, 'The dude's got a knife.' He said, 'He could be a chef.'

The entertainment business is to business what plastic flowers are to flowers.

A picture is worth a thousand words, but conversations with them generally end in dissapointment.

What is sex addiction? I asked a doctor and the guys goes, "Sex addiction... People will end up doing something they don’t want to do just for sex." Isn’t that called a first date, man? If sex was the result of something I wanted to do, there’d be condoms all over my PlayStation.

Marriage is supposed to be permanent. It's like a tattoo that yells at you.

'Homemade' sounds much better when not referring to tattoos.