Eddie Murphy


Brothers act like they couldn’t have been slaves back 200 years ago. It ain’t like the motherfuckers liked that shit. “I wish I was a slave, I would fuck somebody up! Shit, tell me to bale some motherfucking cotton! I would been on the street and shit, would’ve come up and say, ‘Ay, yo, n*****, bale this cotton!’ I would say, ‘Suck my dick, massa!’”... The first dude who got off the boat said that shit. “Bale that cotton!” “Fuck you motherfucker!” [crack of a whip] The other motherfuckers said, “We’ll bale the shit. Just keep that fucking shit away from me.”

Right now we’ve got to stretch that dollar as far as we can.

I been seeing newspapers every Sunday morning, white dudes be in there in their drawers, never having no bulge in they drawers. Smiling at you. If I ain't have no bulge, I wouldn't be smiling!

[Cosby] thought that was my whole act. Like I just walked out on-stage and cursed and left. I manage to stick in some jokes between the curses. You couldn’t give no curse show. Walk out, say, “Hey, Felt Forum, motherfucker, dick, pussy, snot and shit. Good night. Good night. Suck my dick. Bye-bye.”

My life is nothing like the Daddy Day Care life. Me around the house is nothing like the Daddy Day Care dad.

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