Emo Philips


You know, at parties, people always ask, "Where were you when Kennedy was shot?" Well, I don't have an alibi!

My girlfriend always giggles during sex. No matter what she's reading.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.

I thought I was raptured up into the air today; turns out, it was just my gas oven exploding.

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