Emo Philips

Quotes

You know, at parties, people always ask, "Where were you when Kennedy was shot?" Well, I don't have an alibi!

My girlfriend always giggles during sex. No matter what she's reading.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.

Nepal is the most fun place in the world. You’ve got monkeys roaming around, cremations and animal sacrifices. And there’s no vehicle that you’re not welcome to ride on top of. The country could have been invented by Beavis and Butt-head. Even the gods have nice breasts.

All quotes and jokes