Eugene Mirman

Quotes

I don’t have a kid. I think that I would be a good father… especially if my baby liked to go out drinking.

Don't get me wrong - I'll put $25 on the ground and then if you pick it up and we have sex in an alley, that's not a crime. That's a coincidence.

When years from now people look back on today, they will think the same thing they already do but with more reasons for it.

I forget, is freedom of speech when it's legal to say what you want or is it when it has no consequences for some reason?

I just loved comedy as a kid and I think at some point, it just occurred to me that you could try it, and I did.

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