Eugene Mirman


I don’t have a kid. I think that I would be a good father… especially if my baby liked to go out drinking.

I’m fascinated by the logic that leads to something.

I don't have any rules, so don't invite me to game night.

I forget, is freedom of speech when it's legal to say what you want or is it when it has no consequences for some reason?

Before going home with a guy, give him a blow job. Guys are always more relaxed after a blow job.

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