I started drinking when I was like 15, and by the time I was 19 everybody knew I was an alcoholic. So I would start five fights every weekend and lose terribly. First you start off fighting with one person and then he beats you up; and then one guy would be laughing, so you would hit him, too.
Valentines Day is the Super Bowl of relationships. If you're alone that night you didn't make the cut.
The war in Iraq is still going on. The British are helping. Mexico wants to help, but they need a ride over there.
You write some material, go up on stage and try it out; go back home and throw it in the trash can. And the next day do it again.
Yeah, I still feel like a homie. That connection is still a big thing, 'cause that's where I came from.All quotes and jokes