Frank Carson

Quotes

I was in a panto last year, Aladdin and The Wonderful Lamp. I played the wick. I got the sack because I was too well-oiled every night.

I bought these shoes in Taiwan, and they said in the inside "made around the corner."

I gave my wife a kiss this morning. She jumped out of bed and did a lap of honour.

I'm staying in a lovely hotel, dressing robe behind the door, lovely fluffy sheets - took me a half an hour getting my suitcase closed.

I have a pacemaker in, but it doesn't work very well, because every time I fart the garage door opens.

All quotes and jokes