Frank Carson

Quotes

I gave my wife a kiss this morning. She jumped out of bed and did a lap of honour.

The Irish Six Million Dollar man only cost three quid.

I was in a panto last year, Aladdin and The Wonderful Lamp. I played the wick. I got the sack because I was too well-oiled every night.

Doctor told me I've got two weeks to live. I said: "Can I have the last week in July and the 1st week in August?"

I'm staying in a lovely hotel, dressing robe behind the door, lovely fluffy sheets - took me a half an hour getting my suitcase closed.

All quotes and jokes