George Burns

Quotes

How can I die? I'm booked.

I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere.

When asked in his late 90s if his doctor knew he still smoked, Burns said, "No ... he's dead.''

There will always be a battle between the sexes because men and women want different things. Men want women and women want men.

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who’ll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house.

All quotes and jokes