I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere.
When asked in his late 90s if his doctor knew he still smoked, Burns said, "No ... he's dead.''
Sincerity is everything. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
I lie a lot, but when I write about Gracie, I don't have to lie. The truth is unbelievable enough.
How can I die? I'm booked.All quotes and jokes