Henny Youngman


The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.

The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." Mrs. Cohen answered "So did my arthritis!"

If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks I'm selling dope.

My wife loves to shop at Bloomingdale's. I bring her mail there twice a week.

I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings!

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