Jack Benny

Quotes

I really don’t deserve this. But I have arthritis and I don’t deserve that either.

Gags die, humor doesn't.

When another comedian has a lousy show, I'm the first one to admit it.

Hors D'oeuvre: A ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.

When I give concerts, the tickets sell for five dollars to one hundred dollars, but for my concerts the five-dollar seats are down in front... the further back you go, the more you have to pay. The hundred-dollar seats are the last two rows, and those tickets go like hotcakes! In fact, if you pay two hundred dollars you don't have to come at all.

All quotes and jokes