Jack Benny

Quotes

I really don’t deserve this. But I have arthritis and I don’t deserve that either.

Gags die, humor doesn't.

When another comedian has a lousy show, I'm the first one to admit it.

Hors D'oeuvre: A ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.

I went to see one of those X-rated pictures the other night, and I couldn't believe my eyes. So I stayed to see it a second time.

All quotes and jokes