Jack Benny

Quotes
I really don’t deserve this. But I have arthritis and I don’t deserve that either.
Gags die, humor doesn't.
When another comedian has a lousy show, I'm the first one to admit it.
Hors D'oeuvre: A ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.
When I give concerts, the tickets sell for five dollars to one hundred dollars, but for my concerts the five-dollar seats are down in front... the further back you go, the more you have to pay. The hundred-dollar seats are the last two rows, and those tickets go like hotcakes! In fact, if you pay two hundred dollars you don't have to come at all.
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