Jack Whitehall

Quotes

I feel like a divorced woman in her 40s, all I need is some cat hair and it’ll be complete.

I was so hot, I sweated like Mel Gibson at a bar mitzvah!

Oh, you wanna do a little bit of roleplay? Could you just play dead?

I’ve never laughed a woman into bed, but I’ve laughed one out of bed many times.

The Apple Store in New York is like a big white glistening cathedral of twats. Before you even have your foot in the door, there is some wanktard in your face with a fringe. ‘Hey buddy, my name’s Drew. What brings you to the Apple Store today, hombre?’ I’m here to buy a phone, not make a friend, piss off!

All quotes and jokes