Joan Rivers

Quotes

A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a labotomy.

Valentine’s Day is different for old people. At this age I receive chocolates in boxes shaped like artificial hearts.

My daughter and I are very close. We speak every single day and I call her every day and I say the same thing, "Pick up, I know you're there." And she says the same thing back, "How'd you get this new number?"

Welcome to my world! I've been through it all, and I often pinch myself to believe my luck. I design jewlery, create cosmetics, perform comedy, act, lecture, write books, travel, have a fabulous daughter, and a phenomenal grandson-and I feel I'm the luckiest woman on the planet.

My mother could make anybody feel guilty - she used to get letters of apology from people she didn't even know.

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