Joan Rivers

Quotes

Welcome to my world! I've been through it all, and I often pinch myself to believe my luck. I design jewlery, create cosmetics, perform comedy, act, lecture, write books, travel, have a fabulous daughter, and a phenomenal grandson-and I feel I'm the luckiest woman on the planet.

The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible.

The average airplane is 16 years old, and so is the average airplane meal.

My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a labotomy.

All quotes and jokes