Every time a friend of mine has a kid I go over to the crib and say, "You know, I used to hold your father’s head while he threw up."
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than ten years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions. "How old are you?" "I'm four and a half." You get into your teens; now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number. "How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16." Then the great day of your life; you become 21. Then you turn 30. What happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk. Then you're pushing 40. You reach 50; then you make it to 60. By then you've built up so much speed, you hit 70. After that, it's a day by day thing. You hit Wednesday... You get into your 80's; you hit lunch, you hit 4:30. My Grandmother won't even buy green bananas. "Well, it's an investment, you know, and maybe a bad one." Into the 90's, you start going backwards. "I was just 92." Then a strange thing happens; if you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half."
I was asleep, in the upstairs bedroom, in the rear of the house. There was this tremendous crash, there was a terrible wind force hitting my body, and then I blanked out.
I've been a character actor, which I define as "anyone in the movie who's not kissing Renee Zellweger.
It doesn't burn unless you take too long to blow it out. How true that is, for life in general.All quotes and jokes