Lee Mack

Quotes

I was on a phone call with the HSBC and they said when are you gonna pay off this overdraft? I said you know what outside southeast asia its rude to call people up and ask them for money!

We've had to get a live-in nanny, 'cos that dead one wasn't working out.

“My dad, kind of bloke could read out a telephone directory and It’d be funny…to be fair, he used to do it with his cock out.”

(about cars) “I would say ‘has it got a cup holder, and will it make birds touch my cock?’”

I was told by the doctor that I was infertile and I couldn't have children, 3 weeks after that he told me that my girlfriend was pregnant....who's the daddy?

All quotes and jokes