Phyllis Diller


My father used to call me the laughing hyena.

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

I never made “Who’s Who” but I’m featured in “What’s That?”

I’ll tell you what I don’t like about Christmas office parties: looking for a new job afterward.

Keep at least one window pane clean to check the weather. Once when I didn't do this I sent the kids off with umbrellas for six weeks straight.

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