Richard Lewis


They flew me out in this plane that was only first class. It was all first class. It was the most psychotic thing I've ever seen in my life. The drinking that went on - it was like Mardi Gras. The nose of the plane started to develop red veins.

When I die I'll be cremated and my ashes sprinkled over my shrink's toupee.

I'll never die. Been there done that.

It was so important for me just to have my ex feel good in bed. The low point was when I started to sing, 'Here we go, orgasm! Here we go!' And then when it finally happened, running a victory lap - that was sad. And the high fives, wasn't that unnecessary?

I'd deeply apologize to Richard Lewis for my offensive slurs to myself.

All quotes and jokes
Profile was viewed 1672 times