Quotes & Jokes by Richard Lewis


Life and mental illness aside, the only reason to stay miserable is life or mental illness.

I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back.

Political views divide faster than marriages.

I think most politicians are bisexual than bipartisan.

If I stop complaining I'll have nothing to compain about.

Happiness sets me up for needless despondency.

Nothing matters until you realize that nothing really matters other than helping others who live as if nothing will ever really matter.

Happiness is fear-based.

I'm so disgusted by feeling disgusted I've decided to accept it.

We ran out of classical music - that's how long this wedding went on.

Before I have masturbation, I say to myself, 'Break a leg.' While I masturbate, I actually fantasize that I'm somebody else. In fact, if I do it in different rooms, I actually feel that I'm cheating on myself - which is sad.

As a recovering addict I know resentments are trouble so I have none except resenting myself.

Before sleeping together today, people should boil themselves.

In my teens my folks used a drone look-alike kite to see if I was masturbating too much.

I have so much on my mind yet so little to say.