Rita Rudner

Quotes

I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred dollars and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother.

To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior."

My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.

One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don’t even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.

I started off as a ballerina. I had to quit ballet after I injured a groin muscle. It wasn’t mine.

All quotes and jokes