Rita Rudner

Quotes

To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior."

I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred dollars and said, 'Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.' So he went out and bought a present for my mother.

My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.

Men and women we look at movie so differently. Men look at how much money is spent. Women look at how much money is saved. If it just cost $300 and if I get it for $150 what have I done ladies? Saved $150. Of course. My husband thinks I’ve spent $150. What’s it like in there?

Why are women wearing perfumes that smell like flowers to attrat men? Men don’t like flowers. I wear a scent called “new-car interior.”

All quotes and jokes