Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.
When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, "We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again."
My wife can’t cook either, forgetaboutit. At my house, we pray after we eat.
I was a poster child... for birth control!
I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor. They sent a priest up to talk to me. He said, "On your mark..."All quotes and jokes