When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, "We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again."
I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor. They sent a priest up to talk to me. He said, "On your mark..."
I tell you, in my house I can never relax. I got a dog. His favorite bone is in my arm.
I was a poster child... for birth control!
My father was stupid. He worked in a bank and they caught him stealing pens.All quotes and jokes