Rodney Dangerfield


Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.

When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, "We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again."

My wife can’t cook either, forgetaboutit. At my house, we pray after we eat.

I was a poster child... for birth control!

I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor. They sent a priest up to talk to me. He said, "On your mark..."

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