Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.
My dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!
When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, "We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again."
A travel agent told I could spend 7 nights in HAWAII no days just nights.
I tell you, in my house I can never relax. I got a dog. His favorite bone is in my arm.All quotes and jokes