When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, "We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again."
I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor. They sent a priest up to talk to me. He said, "On your mark..."
Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing a negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.
A travel agent told I could spend 7 nights in HAWAII no days just nights.
I tell you, in my house I can never relax. I got a dog. His favorite bone is in my arm.All quotes and jokes