Rodney Dangerfield


She was so fat that when she got on the scale a card came out saying one at a time.

She was so fat that she has a dress with a sign on the back that says "caution wide load".

I tell ya, my wife, we get along good cause we have our own arrangement. I mean, one night a week I go out with the boys and one night a week, she goes out with the boys.

Last week I told my wife, "If you would learn to cook, I could fire the chef." She said, "If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer."

One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.

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