Russell Howard

Quotes

Silly things make you laugh and if they do, fuck it. I was on a train and we went through a place called Didcot Ladygrove. I was laughing already, but my friend topped it by going, “I’ll bet that’s what the Queen calls her vagina.”

'Come back here, I'm a police officer!' and I shouted back 'No you're not! You're a monster!'

From the makers of Alien vs. Predator: Alien vs. Pingu. K9 – stop humping the toaster!

Inner child, what do you suggest? 'I WANT A TREEHOUSE!' Anything else to add? 'FARTY NOISE UNDER THE ARM!'

I've never said flange to a monkey!

All quotes and jokes