Steven Wright

Quotes

I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, "I think I might have written that."

My school colors were clear. I'm not naked, I'm in the band.

Well, you can’t have everything. Where would you put it?

My girlfriend asked me how long I was going to be gone on this tour. I said, "the whole time".

I parked in the tow-away zone, and when I got back, the entire neighborhood was gone.

All quotes and jokes