Steven Wright

Quotes

Well, you can’t have everything. Where would you put it?

I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, "I think I might have written that."

I have a large seashell collection which I keep scattered on the beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen it.

When I first read the dictionary, I thought it was a long poem about everything.

I got a dog and named him 'Stay'. Now, I go 'Come here, Stay!' After a while, the dog went insane and wouldn't move at all.

All quotes and jokes