Steven Wright

Quotes

I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, "I think I might have written that."

Well, you can’t have everything. Where would you put it?

I got a dog and named him 'Stay'. Now, I go 'Come here, Stay!' After a while, the dog went insane and wouldn't move at all.

My school colors were clear. I'm not naked, I'm in the band.

I went into a restaurant. The menu said “breakfast any time.” So I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

All quotes and jokes