Steven Wright


I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, "I think I might have written that."

My school colors were clear. I'm not naked, I'm in the band.

I went into a restaurant. The menu said “breakfast any time.” So I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

Well, you can’t have everything. Where would you put it?

When I first read the dictionary, I thought it was a long poem about everything.

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