Steven Wright

Quotes

I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, "I think I might have written that."

My school colors were clear. I'm not naked, I'm in the band.

Well, you can’t have everything. Where would you put it?

I parked in the tow-away zone, and when I got back, the entire neighborhood was gone.

I woke up this morning and couldn't find my socks, so I called information. She said they were behind the couch. She was right.

All quotes and jokes