Steven Wright

Quotes

I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, "I think I might have written that."

My school colors were clear. I'm not naked, I'm in the band.

Well, you can’t have everything. Where would you put it?

My girlfriend asked me how long I was going to be gone on this tour. I said, "the whole time".

I woke up this morning and couldn't find my socks, so I called information. She said they were behind the couch. She was right.

All quotes and jokes