Tim Allen


I got myself a snack of low-sodium, low-fat Triscuits. If they were lower in anything else the box would be empty.

I read somewhere that hair grows until you reach 40, then it goes in the opposite direction, into the head, and out the ears, nose and other odd places.

To get a man’s attention, just stand in front of TV and don’t move.

There are flaws in the way politics is reported in this country today and we should do something about it, ... Radio and television coverage of politics doesn't see its role as a mission to explain, but to destroy, in a pernicious culture in which journalists pit themselves against politicians.

I have a car stereo that will leave messages. It’s got a manual two inches thick. The manual that came with my wife is smaller.

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