Tim Allen

Quotes

I read somewhere that hair grows until you reach 40, then it goes in the opposite direction, into the head, and out the ears, nose and other odd places.

I got myself a snack of low-sodium, low-fat Triscuits. If they were lower in anything else the box would be empty.

I have a car stereo that will leave messages. It’s got a manual two inches thick. The manual that came with my wife is smaller.

My wife is impossible. It is only safe to wake her from a distance, like Portugal.

To get a man’s attention, just stand in front of TV and don’t move.

All quotes and jokes