Tim Allen

Quotes

I read somewhere that hair grows until you reach 40, then it goes in the opposite direction, into the head, and out the ears, nose and other odd places.

I got myself a snack of low-sodium, low-fat Triscuits. If they were lower in anything else the box would be empty.

I have a car stereo that will leave messages. It’s got a manual two inches thick. The manual that came with my wife is smaller.

My wife is impossible. It is only safe to wake her from a distance, like Portugal.

Scientists have estimated that every person on earth has some atoms in their body from every other person who ever existed. Yikes. This means I have atoms in my body from Buddha, Jesus, Lincoln, Geronimo, Hitler, Attila the Hun, Lassie, and Marilyn Monroe. At least now I understand my mood swings.

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