My stepfather stepped in where no man would've stepped in - six kids, five of them boys - and that's heroic.
Quotes and Jokes by Tim Allen
Top 15 Quotes (out of 49)
Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work, or prison.
I am a thespian trapped in a man’s body.
I don't understand why it has to be either - or - either socialism or democracy. Why can't we combine things to get the best of each system?
Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
I know it sounds odd, but I want to make a Rolex-quality screwdriver.
Playing golf is like going to a strip joint. After 18 holes you’re tired and most of your balls are missing.
Men are pigs. Too bad we own everything.
You don't know what people are really like until they're under a lot of stress.
As the Chinese will tell you, history depends on your point of view.
I blend memories. I blend them into one that's funny. I exaggerate to clarify.
Use a screwdriver instead of a hammer. Try to untighten the nut with your hand. Utilize the path of least resistance first.
I was gone so much in my first marriage. I love the moments when I engage with my youngest daughter now. It's not my thing to sit on the ground and play tea party, but I'll do it because it's a moment that will stick with me forever.
Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.
I have irrational fears, and they all go back to losing my father as a kid. I've never gotten over it.