Tim Vine

Quotes

So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'

I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

I was at sea the other day and loads of meat floated past. It was a bit choppy.

I was reading this book today, The History Of Glue and I couldn't put it down.

Now did you know if a stick insect laid it's eggs in a jar of Bovril it will give birth to a litter of twiglets.

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