Woody Allen

Quotes

I was gonna kill myself, but I was in a strict Freudian analysis. And if you kill yourself, they make you pay for the sessions you miss.

The phone rings, and a voice on the other end says, “How would you like to be this years vodka man?” And I said, “No. I’m an artist, I do not do commercials. I don’t pander. I don’t drink vodka and if I did, I would not drink your product.” He said, “Too bad. It pays $50,000.” And I said “Hold on. I’ll put Mr. Allen on the phone.”

I'm not a drinker — my body will not tolerate spirits. I had two Martinis on New Year's Eve and I tried to hijack an elevator and fly it to Cuba.

..years of insanity have made this guy crazy!

I was a nervous child, I was a bedwetter. I used to sleep with an electric blanket and I was constantly electrocuting myself.

All quotes and jokes