Zach Galifianakis


Hookers don't like to snuggle.

I would start a revolution, but I just bought a hammock

You know it's time to do the laundry when you dry off with a sneaker.

My headshot is a scratch and sniff, it smells like failure and onions.

Don't boo people! Don't boo! Be more specific! Like, "WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT?! I HATE THAT! I HATE IT!"

All quotes and jokes
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