Quote by Steven Wright:

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

Comedian
Short bio
Steven Alexander Wright is an American stand-up comedian, actor, writer, and film producer. He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical and sometimes nonsensical jokes, paraprosdokians, non sequiturs, anti-humor, and one-liners with contrived situations.

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I developed several comedy phone calls.

A New York City judge struck down a proposed law to ban sodas larger than 16 ounces. I think Mayor Bloomberg should spend his time trying to improve stuff like education. New York needs a better education system if kids didn’t figure out they could get around the 16-ounce soda ban by simply purchasing two 12-ounce sodas.

I am fortunate to have had the opportunity to usher the program through its early stages of growth. For 10 years I have approached my responsibilities with pride and with passion. It has been a tremendous experience to work with our amazing student-athletes.

I love to eat. That's why I got so fat; I love to eat. If I don't walk away from a meal hurting, I didn't do it right. If I don't walk away from Thanksgiving dinner feeling like I've been turkey-fucked in a gingerbread prison, I didn't do it right.

I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.