Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
Quote by Tim Allen:
Quotes by other comedians
Overheard today in restaurant: "Can you stop listening to our conversation?"
I want to always be an interloper. I never want to feel like I'm a guy who is embraced by the people who are putting me on the air. I want to feel like I broke into the studio and took over and made them mad. If I'm not doing that, I'm not doing my job.
My father tried to give me the sex talk once, and he chickened out. He walked into my room and went, "Adam - uh, don't kiss guys."
What is sex addiction? I asked a doctor and the guys goes, "Sex addiction... People will end up doing something they don’t want to do just for sex." Isn’t that called a first date, man? If sex was the result of something I wanted to do, there’d be condoms all over my PlayStation.
It's like a sort of internet Ren Fair. Its like Dungeons & Dragons but for cool people who have got friends.