I hate false advertising, like 'Skittles: taste the rainbow.' No one's ever been like, 'Rainbow, right you guys?' Or what's Reese's? 'There's no wrong way to eat a Reese's.' Oh, really? Tell that to my uncle who used to put them in my underwear. Alright, maybe your uncles didn't love you.
Quote by Amy Schumer:
Quotes by other comedians
The reason people use a crucifix against vampires is that vampires are allergic to bullshit.
All these years, I thought I liked chicken cause it was delicious; but turns out, I'm genetically predisposed to liking chicken!
I will fuck a kid up. When a kid gets one-years-old, I believe you got the right to hit him in either the throat or the stomach. If you grown enough to talk back, you grown enough to get fucked up!
You might be a redneck if you've ever stolen toilet paper from a public restroom.
I think it’s kinda funny that all these rappers that used to be gangsters and thugs are telling us not to download their music from the internet, because that’s stealing. Wow talk about ironic.