Out of nowhere she tells me that Oliver Stone - you know, the director - she's like, 'He has this huge Asian fetish, and I find it totally offensive.' And I'm like, 'Why, Kwan? That sounds awesome.' She's like, 'I'm offended because I'm Asian.' And I was just like, 'Well, I'm sorry, but I didn't even notice that. I thought you were just really tired.'
Quote by Amy Schumer:
Quotes by other comedians
Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. And when I'm swimming, sometimes I'm not sure which one it is.
People think that you are a nasty, selfish person if you don't want to have children.
Every year law schools churn out thousands of lawyers. We don’t need any more lawyers. We need more lawyers like we need more talk-show hosts.
In my life, I have driven some crappy vehicles. But I have never been so desperate for a vehicle that I wanted a used rental car.
What you have to do is be honest with who you are. Find that thing inside of you that is you and be that. Don't lie and don't perpetrate. I am sick and tired of ugly bitches that wear shirts that say, 'Cutey.'