Quote by Anthony Jeselnik:


This is embarrassing. My friend accidentally killed himself masturbating when he was just trying to kill himself.

Comedian
Short bio
Anthony Jeselnik is an American comedian, writer, actor, and producer. He is known for his dark comedy style, which emphasizes ironic misdirection, non sequiturs, biting insults, an arrogant demeanor, and a stage persona that frequently takes amoral stances.

All quotes by Anthony Jeselnik

Quotes by other comedians

For a while I didn't have a car... I had a helicopter... no place to park it, so I just tied it to a lamp post and left it running...

The reason it's so painful when someone disappears is you have to face the fact that the person you loved had probably left you a long time before he grabbed his coat and scrammed.

Helen of Troy, a hooker from Upstate New York. Never got a dinner!