This is embarrassing. My friend accidentally killed himself masturbating when he was just trying to kill himself.
Quote by Anthony Jeselnik:
Quotes by other comedians
For a while I didn't have a car... I had a helicopter... no place to park it, so I just tied it to a lamp post and left it running...
The reason it's so painful when someone disappears is you have to face the fact that the person you loved had probably left you a long time before he grabbed his coat and scrammed.
Helen of Troy, a hooker from Upstate New York. Never got a dinner!