Quote by Anthony Jeselnik:

I can't talk politics with my cousin because he's such a hypocrite. He's against the death penalty and he hanged himself.

Comedian
Short bio
Anthony Jeselnik is an American comedian, writer, actor, and producer. He is known for his dark comedy style, which emphasizes ironic misdirection, non sequiturs, biting insults, an arrogant demeanor, and a stage persona that frequently takes amoral stances.

All quotes by Anthony Jeselnik

Quotes by other comedians

Anyone who isn't pro choice never slept with a stripper from Kansas City.

The Bible is the funniest book I have ever read. It's so funny! Right in the first six pages, it's funny!

If I'm a game show host, will someone buy a ticket to see me do standup? To do a dramatic role in a movie?

I'm in love with a philosophy major, and she doesn't even know I exist. And what's worse, she can prove it.

I told my doctor I wanna stop aging, he gave me a gun!