Quote by Anthony Jeselnik:

My nephew killed himself masturbating but, officially, the cause of death is exhaustion.

Short bio
Anthony Jeselnik is an American comedian, writer, actor, and producer. He is known for his dark comedy style, which emphasizes ironic misdirection, non sequiturs, biting insults, an arrogant demeanor, and a stage persona that frequently takes amoral stances.

All quotes by Anthony Jeselnik

Quotes by other comedians

I can't remember the last live-action, non-animated Christmas movie.

I always want to go back and do stand-up; I like the freedom.

I don't have the time to steal other people's material even if I wanted to. The reason why these rumors got started is that I don't really contest them because I don't believe they deserve contesting. I really don't.