I would like to wear a diaper on days where I'm feeling lazy but... I don't. I shit my pants.
Quote by Chelsea Handler:
Quotes by other comedians
Helen of Troy, a hooker from Upstate New York. Never got a dinner!
My favorite fruit is grapes. Because with grapes, you always get another chance. 'Cause, you know, if you have a crappy apple or a peach, you're stuck with that crappy piece of fruit. But if you have a crappy grape, no problem - just move on to the next. 'Grapes: The Fruit of Hope.'
If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet.