Quote by Chelsea Handler:


I would like to wear a diaper on days where I'm feeling lazy but... I don't. I shit my pants.

Comedian
Short bio
Chelsea Joy Handler is an American comedian, actress, writer, television host, producer, and activist. She hosted the late-night talk show Chelsea Lately on the E! network from 2007 to 2014, and released a documentary series, Chelsea Does, on Netflix in January 2016.

All quotes by Chelsea Handler

Quotes by other comedians

Helen of Troy, a hooker from Upstate New York. Never got a dinner!

My favorite fruit is grapes. Because with grapes, you always get another chance. 'Cause, you know, if you have a crappy apple or a peach, you're stuck with that crappy piece of fruit. But if you have a crappy grape, no problem - just move on to the next. 'Grapes: The Fruit of Hope.'

If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet.