Quote by Christopher Titus:

Normal people terrify me, because they haven’t had enough problems in their life to know how to handle problems when they come up. Something little happens and they snap. But being from a disfunctional family means nothing rattles me. Hey once you’ve driven a drunken father to moms’ parole hearing, what else is there?

Comedian
Short bio
Christopher Todd Titus is an American comedian and actor. He grew up in Newark, California. Titus came to network audiences with the eponymous FOX show Titus, of which he was the star, executive producer and co-creator.

All quotes by Christopher Titus

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You might be a redneck if... your child's first words are 'Attention K-Mart shoppers!'

With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.

Remember that friend in High School, who wanted to make bongs out of everything? Making bongs out of apples and oranges and shit. One day you find your friend goin' "Hey look, man, I made a bong out of my head! Put the pot in this ear and suck it out of this one, go on take a hit!"

I came up with my own expression. I like to make it hail. Yeah. That's when you throw change on sluts.

My God! I beat a man insensible with a strawberry!