Quote by Daniel Tosh:

You should never eat when you're on the toilet. "But I'm lactose-intolerant, and I always wanted to enjoy a bowl of Puffins with whole milk!" That's more of an almond milk cereal, but live your dream.

Comedian
Short bio
Daniel Dwight Tosh is an American comedian, television host, actor, writer, and executive producer. He is known for his deliberately offensive and controversial style of black comedy, as the host of the Comedy Central television show Tosh.0, and as the star of stand-up comedy tours and specials.

All quotes by Daniel Tosh

Quotes by other comedians

If I could light my own farts I could fly to the moon or at least Uranus.

After they make styrofoam, what do they ship it in?

Never drink alone, that's what they say. But you know what? If you drink you will never be alone, alright?

I'd like to expand the definition of the word 'success' to include 'failure' as the one seems inseparable from the other.

When I tour, it's like, well, like a food tour as much as a comedy tour. I try to eat at all the weird places, the obscure barbecue joints, burger places. There are a few spots in L.A. that I'm obsessed with - one of them is the Taco Zone taco truck on Alvarado. There are secret off-menu items that are amazing.