Spent most of the summer looking for shade. Driving around. Shade. Please? Driving in malls. I'll park a mile away I don't care. I'm just looking for a tree branch, anything. Long weed. Big leaf, get the front corner panel under it. Oh precious shade, I have it - you don't!
Quote by David Spade:
Quotes by other comedians
Last week I was walking by a cemetery, two guys came after me with shovels. It was all about money.
Raccoons don't need to do poppers in order to come while they're having anonymous same-sex interludes in a highway rest area.
Once you start doing only what you've already proven you can do, you're on the road to death.
Upside of being an attractive woman; if you're remotely intelligent, people will treat you like you're brilliant. Downside: same thing.
You know those guys that eat at the strip club? Eat the buffet? How the fuck could you eat on a nasty-ass strip club? What? Are you that hungry? Motherfucker, go to Mickey D's or some shit! Not even Rwandan refugees won't eat that shit! At a damn strip club! Titties and Tater Tots don't mix!