The problem with this country is that old fucks vote. We got shit to do, old folks don't, the only thing they have to do is judge you and vote.
Quote by Doug Stanhope:
Quotes by other comedians
You can't make money on Broadway. You make nothing. You maybe make like $1,350 a week after you pay out all the producers.
Wearing a Hawaiian shirt, you don’t ever come across as offensive. Nobody sees you as a threat. You see someone in a Hawaiian shirt, and you are like ‘this guy is ready to party.’
I guess they're tough jokes. But there's lots of things you either laugh or cry at. And you just can't cry.