Quote by Doug Stanhope:

If people would just fuck right away and stop all the song and dance that goes with it, we could have colonies on Mars by now.


Quotes by other comedians

I have no detectable hair style.

Why have I been chosen to deliver the message of female intelligence and its divinity to a deaf world of males? I have asked my god that question and She answered: "Hey, why not you Roseanne?" Indeed, why not each of us?

I think America causes cancer, longevity is less important than fun, and young people should be discouraged from voting.