Quote by Eugene Mirman:

Marriage is when two people love each other so much that they promise that if they ever, ever stop they'll fill out tons of paperwork.

Comedian
Short bio
Eugene Boris Mirman is a Russian-American comedian and writer known for playing Yvgeny Mirminsky on Delocated and Gene Belcher on the animated comedy Bob's Burgers.

All quotes by Eugene Mirman

Quotes by other comedians

NYU's like a Jurassic 5 concert: it's like there's supposed to be black people there, but they're not.

You might be a redneck if you consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.

If it has to sell its mascot, your team sucks.

I was at a bar nursing a beer. My nipple was getting quite soggy.

When I see guys in bars wearing the real fitted kind of Calvin Klein v-neck t-shirts I just want to go up to them and be like, 'Oh, do you work out? Your tricep looks so great - thank you.'