You’re so beautiful like a tree or a high class prostitute.
Quote by Flight of the Conchords:
Quotes by other comedians
They call it football, but the object of the game is to bash the other guy so hard that he's eventually carried off the field on a stretcher. I can't watch football anymore. My psychiatrist said it's better that way. I used to watch a game, see the players in a huddle - and think they were talking about me.
God is like a shitty girlfriend.
The planets. Now footnote, I’m including Pluto in the planets, because I think it’s terrible what they did to Pluto. And it’s still a planet to me. I grew up with Pluto as a planet, it will always be a planet.
You know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations. Like when they're both on fire - they're exactly alike.
I have no methods; all I do is accept people as they are.