Angie, I've seen my mom wrestle two cops to the ground with a taser dart in her neck, and you cry when your shoes pinch. Good luck, Bambi!
Quote by George Lopez:
Quotes by other comedians
If you are going through an emotional nightmare be grateful that it is only a nightmare.
I was talking to Jesus, and I said, "Jesus, I feel like no one will ever accept me." And Jesus looked at me and said, "You know what my theory is? Accept me or go to hell."
Most public bathrooms now have automatic toilet sensors. People can't even be trusted to flush.
You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.
I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people.